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To me, this story doesn't quite flow as smoothly as it should. It just needs to be drafted a few times in my opinion, but then it will be a fantastic story. Also, the two female names in this story in the very beginning are a bit complicated, which can take the reader out of the story so they can mull over it for a while. That's just a little warning. Anyways, good job and I'll be sure to keep reading what you post! =)